Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Kapoor vs Kapoor

So papa Kapoor is really pissed that two exes rated his beta Kapoor very low on sex appeal. What a classic! For those who came in late, Sonam Kapoor and Deepika Padukone had a ball tearing Ranbir Kapoor to shreds on KJo’s Koffee with Karan this past Sunday. They had a BFF camaraderie even though they were alleged to be foes at one time, and spoke reams about Ranbir’s credibility in relationships, his zero style quotient, his uncontrolled libido and his bottom, among other things.

KJo, in true KJo style, lapped it all up and gave us some more. And why wouldn’t he? What’s a show host for if not to make people talk about things no one else can make them? Star World is meanwhile laughing all the way to the TRP bank, but the Kapoors (Sr and Jr) are miffed.

Now, what did he expect the ladies to do? If they rated him 5 on a scale of 1-5, it would mean that they are still not over him. If they played safe and rated him 3, they would be accused of being politically correct. Since they’ve rated them the lowest, they have been asked to concentrate on their careers and accused of not having class.

Had the ladies rated beta Kapoor poorly on fidelity or brattiness or other such attributes, papa Kapoor would have basked in the implied virility and bravado. “After all, he is a Kapoor,” he would have said. But low on sex appeal? Not on.

Even Jennifer Aniston would have rated Brad Pitt pretty dismally on sex appeal. Would that bother Pitt? Would that bother his daddy and mommy? That’s what exes do, they rip you apart when they are given a chance. So take it easy, daddy.

I guess being stuck with the ‘cute, but not sexy’ tag for decades must have taken its toll on Rishi Kapoor who finally redeemed himself with Ranbir-post-Saawariya-Kapoor. Bollywood is replete with sexy daddies and not-so-sexy sonny boys, as with non-sexy daddies and sexy lads. So Rakesh Roshan was redeemed by Hrithik Roshan, and Rishi Kapoor by Ranbir Kapoor. Feroz Sexy Khan was hugely short- changed in Fardeen and Sanjay Khan didn’t have much to redeem, so let’s not go to Zayed. Kabir Bedi was over-optimistic when he named his son Adam. Sexy Shashi Kapoor produced an even sexier Karan who chose to go the non-Bollywood way, so was out of the reckoning. Vinod Sexy Khanna hasn’t done badly with Akshaye and Rahul, who are fairly sexy too. Raj Babbar got really lucky with Prateik. As for Sunil Dutt, Sanju has been a fair hand. Dharmendra wasn’t too badly off with Sunny, until the boy needed a hair transplant, and got one. Amitabh Bachchan has been redeemed after Abhishek lost his bovine fat, got a real haircut, Ash and an Idea! As for Danny, I still have too much of a crush on him to find out what his son (if he has one) looks like.

Moral of the story: If it’s important for a sexy daddy to have a sexy son, it’s imperative for a non-sexy daddy to have a sexy son.

Now which reality show is going to have Ranbir over and charm a certain Veena Mallik to reaffirm his sexiness? Hint: It’s Big and very Bossy.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Lost and found

Okay, guilty of going under for a few weeks (no, Bitch Central did not get me into any trouble). I just felt like observing life for a while instead of having a point of view on it every week, and realised it is therapeutic not to have an opinion sometimes. But there is still enough bitch left in me, so I am back again.

Meanwhile, stuff happened:

People got engaged on Facebook.

People broke up.

People are trying to get engaged or are breaking up by putting it all ‘out there’

I watched The Social Network. Like!

I realised how much our state-of-mind is reflected in our state-of-walls.

The husband found out his BFF was single again. From me.

My dad won a 14 year-old property case, and is plotting to be a farmer. At the ripe young age of 72.

My FF has a whole set of new weird friends that I can make no sense of, but I am left wondering if I should say anything at all.

My only under-30 buddy was almost run over and is now lying horizontal, with his leg up in the air. The rich boy who ran him over got out on Rs 900 bail.

I got de-friended by fat ex-boyfriend. Fat. Yay!

I ran into thin ex-boyfriend. He needs a hair transplant. Yay!

My 16 month-old son has a girlfriend.

Chickwit lost to ads in HT Cafe and I am left wondering whether to turn this archive into a real blog. Which means I don’t get to disappear on you, and you get to hear all the gory details of my life, like what I had for breakfast. Or who I had for dinner. Not like!


Coming back to The Social Network. Okay, men do weird things to get the girls. Some paint. Some write Booker prize winners. Some, like Mark Zuckerberg create Facebook. Others, like Eduardo sue Mark Zuckerberg.

I must say I was a bit let down when I heard that Zuckerberg, who is a friend of a friend of a friend, has actually been dating the same girl since his freshman years. Now I find the whole premise of the movie or his multi-billion dollar idea – that of inadequacy and rejection— to be false. If he was in a long term relationship, where did the angst from not ‘getting girls’ come from? Unless, in Facebook parlance he was looking for ‘anything he could get.’

The husband says it’s cinematic liberty. But David Fincher is no Bhansali.

Talk to me. It’s been a while.