1. Why am I called Happy Singh?
I think the writer of this column has a cat called Lupooh Singh and she is oh-so-smitten by him. And the lady who adopted me also liked the name, so who was I to protest?
2 . Why do I not respond to “Happy Singh”?
Frankly, I don’t care if you call me Osama Bin Laden or David Dhawan. I am just amused that you guys read so much into a name.All I care about is:
a) Are you going to feed me, which is usually a good thing
b) Are you going to pet/cuddle/kiss/squeeze me, which is usually not a good thing
3.Why do I never listen to you?
Because, if you notice, I am a cat and not a dog. Are you going to expect me to respond to doggy commands, like ‘catch’, ‘jump’, ‘down’ , ‘stay’ which, frankly are quite annoying. I just do what I want to do and not what you want me to do.
3.Why is my stomach so round?
Have I ever asked you why your nose is so big, or why you leave a trail of deodorant till Mahim station or why do you smoke so much or how did you get so fat? So leave my stomach alone. But if you must know, it’s worms. I lost my mommy when I was three weeks old and I had to eat garbage till I wandered into the HT building. Just give me a week, I will get my shape back.
4. Why do I attack you when you sponge me or try to take my ticks out?
Because I don’t like being messed around, is why. And has anyone tried to sponge you or take your ticks out? Just so you know how it feels.
5. Why do I scratch everything around so much?
Why do you think God gave me claws and not you?
6. Why do I curl up and sleep so much?
Because, I don’t have to slave in the office so much, hoping that some day I don’t have to work and then I can curl up and sleep all day like a cat. I am ahead of the game, as I am already living the good life and don’t have to wait till I am 60 or 70 or however long humans take to stop working and start living.
7. Why do I never stay in my assigned corner?
Because frankly, I have better taste and I don’t work in an office.