I have come to realise, through infinite wisdom garnered from eight months of marriage—that the only way to stop the husband from whining about his never-ending wish list is to act supremely excited about whatever he wants, and make it seem like he can get it pronto if he so wishes. I found that the way the male psyche works is that denial gets them into possession mode, while instant gratification makes them lose interest. So when in doubt, say yes! You can always do as you please later, no one is looking
Here are a few tried and tested nuggets, for those who care:
He: Lets get some plants for the balcony.. it will be nice no?
Me of yore: Arched eyebrow followed by the words, “Too high maintenance. Just because you can feed the cat occasionally does not mean you can parent a plant.. it is too much supervision..”
Me now: Is there a particular nursery you’d like to go to? I know this really nice one opposite the Bandra talao.. it will just take us 40 minutes to get there.. shall we go now or on my day off?
He: How about we go and buy some nice assorted cheese and olives and make a nice cheese platter? We can also get some lovely wine to go with it and have a romantic dinner..
Me of yore: You know there’s still cheese from last time, plus there is no space in the fridge, nor in the bar for any more wine.. so may be it’s not such a good idea..”
Me now: Excellent idea.. why don’t you go buy it while I set up the table?
He: I think our phone is really ugly.. we really need to get ourselves a nice cordless phone..
Me of yore: But we hardly use the landline. Why bother?
Me now: “How cool. I saw a sleek one at Croma. Why don’t you go pick up one and meet me at PVR for a movie later?
He: I have been dreaming about this game Elder Scrolls Oblivion for the last three nights. I want it so bad..
Me of yore: But you just bought four games last week! And we had agreed on one game a month, so you have already consumed four months of your quota.
Me now: How cute! Why don’t you go to Alfa and buy two instead? One is from me.. they are open till 9.30 pm, so you still have an hour.
He: I need new clothes.. I am running out of shirts to wear..
Me of yore: “What about the 57 shirts, the 246 T-shirts and 22 pairs of jeans that are lying in the closet unworn?
Me now: “Wow, even I’m tired of my clothes. Lets go to Cotton World right now and get you some nice linen pants and then may be we can go to Mango.
He: Why don’t we get a Christmas tree and invite all our friends and have a Christmas party?
Me of yore: Where will we put the tree once Christmas is over? And I don’t even have a day off for Christmas! How will we manage?
Me now: What a cool idea! We can easily manage 20 people.. will you go and get the tree?
He: You know, we could do with a plasma TV
Me of yore: What for? They show crap on TV anyway.. and in any case, our room is not large enough for a plasma
Me now: Let’s go to Vijay Sales right now.. it will still be open, and they might have some offer going for sure.