Saturday, May 14, 2011

A few good men/women

A single-again friend of mine recently remarked that it was easier to spot a good tiger than a good man these days. She was just back from her tiger-reserve holiday and basking in its after-glow, having spotted a few tigers.

Never mind the fact that her chances of spotting a tiger were far higher in a tiger reserve than in the city.  Or the fact that she had actually travelled a few thousand miles and spent more than just a  few thousand rupees in order to be able to spot them. (Something you wouldn’t do to spot a good man).  But good for her, I thought. What could be more exhilarating than spotting a tiger on a holiday, never mind that they were just home, and you just happened to pass by?

 When I thought about it, I figured this whole ‘good-man’ vs ‘good tiger’ analogy didn’t really work and is a bit of a no-brainer. Here’s why. Imagine if the contrary had happened. Let’s say she hadn’t spotted any tigers. The argument would have still worked. “It’s as hard to spot a good tiger as it is a good man,” she would have said, and all her girl-friends would have nodded in unison.

Which brings me to the cliched ‘Where are the good men?’ and how sick I was of hearing this phrase when I was single.  Now, I don’t know what a good man is, but for that matter, I don’t know what a good woman is either. And don’t tell me I am a smug- married talking,  because I find that the dating scenario hasn’t really changed much since I was single. The women are still hanging out in their comfort zones, with their single girl-friends, gay best friends (GBFs), asexual work buddies,  married friends and their over-protective  (sometimes philandering) husbands. And then they whine that there are no good men.  How many times have you invited a single girlfriend to a brunch or a random-clubbing night and she has showed up alone?  How many of your single girl-friends have done stuff out of character to spot the ‘good men’ that they never seem to spot in their daily lives? How many of them, for instance have travelled alone, joined a zumba class, a Wodehouse club, a film-appreciation workshop, tai-chi or gone speed dating, just for a lark?

Not that too many men do it, but they don’t whine as much about the lack of women.  Okay, I am not taking sides here, but you know what I mean. Men on the contrary are flabbergasted. They are constantly told that there are more good women than men out there, so the few ‘good ones’ are at least hopeful of finding one, but are usually disappointed. But instead of whining, men do what they know best.  Watch television. Drink. Watch football. Drink. Watch cricket. Drink some more.  Hang out with their buddies in the hope of ‘spotting a few good women’. Drink. Because it’s been ten minutes and no one is making eye contact at them. And when they can’t drink anymore, go home or to the nearest couch and pass out. Sometimes, they don’t even remember that meeting a ‘good woman’ or at the very least, spotting her was on the agenda when they set out for the night.

It’s no wonder that seldom do the twain meet.


  1. Theres a lovely old story. A 50 year old bachelor was once asked by his friend, you've travelled the world and lived a full life , so how come you're still single, haven't you ever found the perfect woman ?

    His eyes misted over and he said yes once in Gibralter, I thought I had found her. His friend asked him what happened then, where is she ?

    He said , shes still looking for her perfect man.

    Unfortunately, thats the story of life. Everyone is looking for his or her image of what he or she wants. So even if good men or women are out there...problem is are they good in the eyes of the other ? Perception is in the eyes of the beholder

  2. Lovely.Perhaps that's why playing cupid never works. I have tried, rather disastrously, to set up what I thought were 'good women' with 'good men'. The rest unfortunately was not history.

  3. History is made up of random acts at random instances. So don't stop trying...LOL

    Men and women are made differently, for men the first thing in a woman is her looks, doesn't matter if shes cockeyed or BBW, she has to be be easy on "HIS EYES", but nothing wrong with that...for a woman I may be wrong but from my experience its confidence.

    So guess next time you put good men and good women together, you need to keep in mind what he likes looks wise and what she finds confident in a man. Rest may not be history but I'm sure we will find some chemistry in there....